He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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