I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
