I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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