I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
