So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
