at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
