I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
