What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
And then he peed in my hair
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