I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
