she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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