i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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