So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
