To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
