chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
