we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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