I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
