i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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