I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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