walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
