he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
