just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
