last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
