just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
