What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
