Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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