I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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