I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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