Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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