Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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