would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
