in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
