Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
