I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
