I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
