I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
