Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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