just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
