just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
