I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
