peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
