So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
