the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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