i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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