roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
