Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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