where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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