garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
