Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
