She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
