why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
