Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i think i just lost a toe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
