So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
