even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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