so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
