Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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